Keanu Reeves

Keanu Reeves

c/o Creative Artists Agency
9830 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, California 90212-1825
USA

Dear Keanu,

This Sudoku is rather tricky, so I am hoping you can help me solve it.

Cheers,

Jeremy David

Oprah Magazine

Amy Gross, Editor in Chief

O, The Oprah Magazine
300 West 57th Street
New York, NY 10019-5915

August 30, 2006

Dear Amy Gross,

Last week I was bicycle touring along the Sunshine Coast. On Wednesday, after two days of intense cycling, I took a much needed break. My friend and I set up our tent at Porpoise Bay, and spent the afternoon lounging on the beach, waves rolling at our feet, the sun shining on our faces, and the wind blowing through our hair. It was the perfect afternoon, until I read your magazine.

I know I am not a middle aged woman, but I respect Oprah as a person and thought I would enjoy her magazine. I read the article “Why It’s Harder to Receive Than to Give” by Martha Beck, and was shocked that the article was published.

“All scholars agree, though, that those ancient Greeks could crank out dandy psychological metaphors, and one message in Pandora’s story is that gifts are psychologically loaded, full of potential to cause misery for the receiver… Think of the manipulative mother who gives her chubby daughter clothing a size too small… or the creep who buys sexy lingerie for a neighbor’s wife. These gifts can bring destructive energy into our psyches like soldiers in a Trojan horse… In the long run, we can’t stay emotionally healthy without accepting gifts… Refusing to receive leaves us chronically empty, prone to addiction, obsession, codependency, or an eternal psychological hunger that’s never quite satisfied…”

Are these statements based on facts? I would like to see some evidence supporting these claims.

“Take a bill from your wallet that’s large enough that you’d be upset if you lost it – maybe $1, maybe $100. Go to a public place, like a park or a mall, and find a spot with sporadic foot traffic. Wait until no one’s looking. Place your money on the ground and retreat to a spot nearby, where you can see whoever finds it. The money is your gift to this person… your heart clenches at the thought of an addict buying drugs with it, or a lawyer sliding it into an Armani pocket… To receive openheartedly, paradoxical though it seems, we have to endure the stages of grieving.”

This is absurd. I’m going to stop quoting now.

I know you are an exceedingly busy person, but I am hoping you will provide me with some insight into the article before I completely lose faith in the Oprah magazine. Could you please explain to me what these facts are based on, paraphrase the article emphasizing the key points, and “read between the lines” for me?

Thank you in advance for helping me reevaluate this article. I know I am just one person, but when executives share their experience and insights with simple people, it becomes a very valuable learning experience.

Cheers,

Jeremy David

Academy Awards 2

ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS AND SCIENCES

BEVERYLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA

August 23, 2006

Dear Mr. David,

We received your letter regarding an invitation to become a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Unfortunately, there is no record that you were invited this year.

It will be extremely helpful if you can provide us with a copy of the actual invitation that you received from the Academy or submit it by facsimile. Please add any other information that will assist us in clarifying this matter.

You can contact the Membership Office at the following address and phone numbers.

AMPAS
Membership Office
8949 Wilshire Blvd.
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

310-247-3000×118 310-859-9619 fax

Thank you for your attention and I apologize for any inconvenience that this may have caused.

Sincerely,

Arlene Vidaurreta
Membership Office
membership@oscars.org

AMPAS
Membership Office
8949 Wilshire Blvd.
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

August 29, 2006

Dear Arlene,

Unfortunately, amidst the excitement of receiving the invitation I seem to have misplaced it. I will do my best to locate it, but I am doubtful that it will turn up as I have spent many hours in search already. I even called the company that picks up my garbage, but they were unwilling to look for the letter. It was a white sheet of paper, in an envelope, inviting me to become a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

I am confused by your most recent letter. You have confirmed that I received an invitation but tell me that there is no record that I was invited – implying that there is a mistake in your records. Did you lose your copy of my invitation as well? What a coincidence! Regretfully, I do not think I can be much help to you here, in Victoria, as I am not very familiar with your record keeping system. Have you looked in all your filing cabinets?

I understand that it would make things simpler for you if I sent you my copy of the invitation, but as I outline above, that is not possible.

I am still very excited about joining the Academy and I wish you the best of luck clarifying this matter. If I can be of any further assistance, please let me know.

Thank you for your timely response; I appreciate your apology.

Sincerely,

Jeremy David

Peter Robinson

Peter Robinson, CEO
Mountain Equipment COOP
149 West 4th Avenue,
Vancouver, B.C. V5Y 4A6

August 28, 2006

Dear Peter,

Exactly 7 days ago I embarked on a tour bicycling adventure down the Sunshine Coast (in British Columbia).

My trip began at 7:00 AM when my friend Jaylene and I drove from Victoria to Campbell River. We biked 30 KM to Comox and took a 3:30 ferry, arriving at Powell River close to 5. After stopping at Safeway for some food, we continued our journey.

The hills were intense. I wanted to die. We made it to our first campsite at 8:00, and that evening I wrote a poem.

biking.
up.
down.
hills.
fast.
exciting.
speeding.
heavy.
gravel.
wobbling.
fear.
uncontrolled.
falling.
grinding.
gliding.
still.

i cry.

Thank you for outsourcing your manufacturing to such high-quality “export processing zones”. Thanks to the made-in-china gloves I purchased from your store, my hands were unscathed by my fall. Had I not been protected by your gloves, I would have had to abort my tour bicycling trip on day one. Swimming across the pavement was actually sort of funny – especially since the only parts of me damaged were my shoulders, hip, and ego.

Have a great week,

Jeremy David

"give me some advice"

Mr. Jeremy Peters,

This may be your first official fan mail. It may not be; however, I am hoping for the former. I truly admire your desire to keep traditional mail alive. However, I have concern to believe that not everyone does.

The scenario so far….

UVIC , as wonderful and amazing as they are, sent my certificate of eligibility to enter Japan in the general mail. Oops! Not only was it mailed general mail (no tracking available) it was not addressed to my apartment (I am partly to blame; however, not the main point). This delicate and beautiful piece of paper is now officially gone. Lost! Done! I have no way of finding it! Now Jeremy, I am unable to get into Japan without this piece of paper. Oh how convenient! I am supposed to leave Sept. 9th!

This is where I need you. I mailed Moya Greene (CEO of Canada Post) a request to help me find my mail. I even sent it priority courier (to set a good example). She has made no attempt to contact me to date. Isn’t she supposed to be the CEO of Canada Post - shouldn’t she enjoy writing mail!?

I was hoping with your broad knowledge of the mail services you would be able to give me some advice as what to do next!

Sincerely,

Amy Bowen

Dear Amy,

I agree with you wholeheartedly. Moya Greene is personally responsible for the loss of your letter. How dare she not instill policies that ensure mail is delivered to the correct person, even if it is addressed incorrectly.

You may feel it is necessary to declare war on Canada Post. Please do not do anything violent. I’ve heard of people going to a wholesaler, buying several thousand envelopes, and addressing them all to a random address.

In the top left corner, people have written the address of the actual “addressee” of the letter. Then, deposited the letters in mailboxes around the city, without postage.

Without postage, the letters are returned to the “return to sender” address with “INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE” stamped across them.

I wonder what someone would do with 1000 letters. I’d hope he or she would recycle them.

Thank you for your letter,

Jeremy David

Dear Visitor

Dear Visitor to my Website,

Maybe I should be more specific. Dear one of three regular visitors to my website,

As you read this letter, I am peddling my bicycle and/or camping. I have embarked on a 5 day tour bicycling trip. Thanks to the wonders of Wordpress, I am able to post-date this post, and have it appear on Monday.

“Why didn’t you post date letters for this week?”

Because I am lazy.

Don’t worry! On Monday, August 28th I will write a letter to a celebrity about my trip. Maybe I’ll try to track down Paris Hilton’s address… or not.

I have another surprise in the works. It will debut Monday, September 4th.

Enjoy your week!

Jeremy David

Donald Trump

The Trump Organization
725 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10022

Dear Donald,

I have a blog, and everyday I write a letter to a new person. Today, I couldn’t think of anyone to write to, or what to write about. It’s really problematic.

I am hoping you can have one of your staff help me think of some ideas. I’m thinking funny, slightly sarcastic. Maybe that cool woman from the Apprentice could assist me. That’d be great!

Thank you in advance for your help!

Jeremy David