Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart c/o
Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia
11 West 42nd Street, 25th Floor
New York, NY 10036

Dear Martha Stewart,

I just wanted to send you a quick thank you for insider trading, and lying to the FBI.

You are the craft, decorating, and homemaking guru. Millions of women across the word idolize you, and I knew that this little incident could not tarnish your brand. When your stock price plummeted, I knew it would bounce back.

Thanks to your little faux-pas, I made $217,000.

The next time you plan on doing something… under the table… please give me a sign. How about sending me a recipe for cookies if I should sell your shares, and sending me a recipe for cake if I should buy?

Ha ha ha just kidding! *wink*

Please and Thank You!

Jeremy